house of night

the problem with not thinking and just doing is the after effects of what you're actually getting yourself into. & sometimes confessing just makes you feel stupid. haha. but don't worry, over time you'll just think to yourself that it just wasn't meant to be. if the other half of whom you are in interest with doesn't feel the same, then just fuck it. shit happens and when they do, you act like a scared little bitch, suck it up. because no one likes a cry baby.

anywaaaay! i've got 5 books to read.

1. marked, a house of night novel

2. the lightening thief (which i think they're making a movie)

3. vampire academy

4. frostbite

5. the ingenious edgar jones

as of right now, thats the order that i'm going. but i might read some different ones. i'm almost done with marked. & i think i might read the vampire ones first, since marked is about vampyres.

i guess all i can do is bear and grin, bear and grin.

i wanna reptar shirt /: & a leather jacket & new boots that make that clicky sound. & some heels. & new hair.

russian roulette

my sisters all drugged up on vicodin, so im about to spend the night there and come back with some new clothes. yeeee!

i love this cold weather. (: esp. when it looks like it's about to rain outside, hella pretty even though it's dark and gloomy. you gotta admit, it's nice. to sit there and drink hot chocolate. it's comforting just a little...

i realize that you suck, you could never hold up to his standards. you could never hang. and you could never make yourself available for anyone. not even if they have any potential for you. you always gotta hold back. you fucked up your own life. and it's your fault that you're in this mess. the only one you should be blaming, is yourself. because you're the one who let all this bad shit happen to you. so no wonder no one wants to be around you, because you've changed yourself. you may think it's for the good, but tell me. are you happy? you basically have no real friends, no one to kick it with and no friends to depend on.

so the next one that comes walking up your door, please. please! do not do the same thing you do to everyone else because this one may be the one to change you, (so my sister called me to her room just a second ago & she just told me how douches are used.... gross) and if he does change you then good. you need it. don't over think things, you do it every time and every time you do it look where it lands you...

dont think, just do.

lemme lay it down real quick

soooo. working at target is better than i thought. hella fun people to work with. and i seldom make mistakes, not like fucking against all odds with all the manual shit i had to do. the only thing i worry about is what time i clock in after lunch & selling red cards. 

its pretty chill there. i like the people i work with & no one really even scares me. not even paula... (which i heard was the scariest person there...) i mean, she is intimidating but she hasn't said shit to me, so i'm gooood. (:

lemmme tell you about snake bites one time tho!!! mmm. snake bites, tall, dark hair, mixed. he looks like he'd be fun to kick it with and just talk about books to... yeah that's right i said books. BUTTTT. i needa find out if he has a beau cas i heard he did. but i'm still going to ask if he has one. & if he does, doesn't mean we still can't be friends right? not like ima be some stupid bitch that's tryna snatch him up. (even though i want to, ill try not to do it if hes gotta beau thang) 

overall. everyone is pretty chill & cool. 

everyday at work has been fun. & i've yet to complain about work. except this one day.....

so what happened was...

i was ringing up this lady telling her her total & if she wanted a red card. & then i hear "hey, are you open?" so i turn around to answer the voice and i reply "yeah, just a moment." and once i turned around what i see.... what i fucking saw... ruined my day the whoooole day. esp. since snake bites wasn't working that day. i mean foreal. WTF is these niggas doin in fairfield when they usually kick it in vacaville? and why the fuck would they go to my line? why the fuck are they at target. then, they hella laughed at each other & his dumb ass hella left and stood out of the store like i was a disease. i wanted to walk out there and punch the shit outta that smile he had on his face. dumb ass nigga. i had to shake it off though cas i was at work and i wasn't about to be a bitch to people.

but foreal though. i want him hurting. as fucked up as it sounds, i really dont care. his face pisses me off. idk how i ended up loving someone like that...

anywho. so my social life is still in the gutter. i just go to school and work. but it's whatever i'm makin money honey.