UGH.

last night... was hella crackin!!! even though when i woke up & replayed everything... i know i did too much... i'm soooo embarrassed, it's not even cool. so sorry for acting the way i did to some people. you already know, you already know.

& i had a deep convo with my cousin. & my cousins where there. & they seen me fucked up, for the first time... haha. it was cool though. 

def. should do it again. but the next time. ima just be cool, and not even drink that much... cas im not tryna throw up again. cas thats not cool, not cool at all.

& i missed touching alexas boobs. haha!!!

it was hella fun just chillin with people i haven't seen in hella long. & im sorry to the people where i hella called you someone else (DAVID). my baaaaad. 

anywho. and it's nice to be cool with everyone now. i'm not trippin cas idc no more.

ima just do what melanie said, "just do you, and just wait." something along those lines...

herra cute herra nice

So, did I mention that my sister was on tv. courtesy of the sf giants vs. diamond back game? & the balldude, who happened to be my step-grandaddy?

oh yes, oh  yes. she is there for a quick second, but you can tell it's her. (: i told hella people i know that she was on tv. haha.

 

& before the game, i hustled my father for some mooolah.

15 to be exact.

J: what're you drinking?

R: coffee

J: what kinda coffee

R: just regular black coffee

J: oh... you suck

R: why are you thirtsy

J: kinda, but we have to leave for the game. can you just give us money? cas i think we're gna stop by starbucks on the way to the game.

R: alrigh.

*walked to his car, he pulled out his wallet only had 3 5dollar bills & some ones*

J: your just gna give us 10? what about michael?

*hands another 5*

R: here.

J: thanks dad, bye!

that's how it went down. yeee.

UGH today, hella people were like i like your dresss. even this old ass man!! was he lookin where he shouldn't tho? is he tryna rape me one time he gets me in a corner and attack me with his rolling cane...

& then this black dude got my number talking about how im gna be pregnant with his baby... uhhh... i dont think sooo!!! hell no. i am far from getting preggo.

can't wait til my birthdayyyyyy!!! are you ready?

i still dk what i wanna do. /:

but melanies friend is hella cute(:

but anywho.. im hella bored. it's friday... aaand im gettting bored sleepy. i think ima nap. peaceeee

A beautiful nightmare

I'm thinking about taking down the pictures of you from my closet. I'm not even sure why I still keep you up there. You've found a new. And I'm sure  you both don't give a rats ass about me. But still I wanna say,"I hope you guys are happy, you deserve each other. Drina needs someone to make her happy & someone to care for her as much i know you will. & kevin needs someone who won't take his shit."

I don't even know why i'm writing this shit. because no one looks at it. except me. HAHAHHAA!

oh well, at least it's off my chest. (:

It's easier for me to get over you again this way. because now i know forsure that you're not coming back & hopes for you to even make my dream come true is not an option. For me to be angry at you, not even angry. I'm pissed at you.  is such a good way to just leave you right where we started. I think that day that we both got drunk, was a mistake because that was the day i let you back into my heart. I shouldn't have even given you my number the day you tried to get drina's stuff back. I shouldn't even have gotten involved with the whole dam situation. Oh well though. I'm sorry that it ever happened.

i'm not even just pissed at you. i'm sad&angry that no one had the guts to fuckn tell me what the hell was goin on with you & audrina til i talked to someone who i guess thought i knew and then brucebruce had to calm me down a bit. i mean really, how fuckn hard is it for someone to say, "hey jasmine, yeah get over kevin because him & audrina are talking. so suck it up and move the fuck on already."

 Did I really have to go through the whole marilynn i'll keep you my little secret shit again?

AND at least marilynn had the guts to tell me herself. in a note. but still it was her that told me and not someone else. c'mon now, we're all grown. so why doesn't anyone act like it?

so please, spare me your pity. 

i'd rather associate with people who tell me shit straight up and not dwell on if it's the right thing to do, or if it'll hurt my feelings, bitch i don't give a fuck as long as i know and i don't look like a total dumb ass to the world.

& the only person who does that that's not related to me is paris. because it only comes in pairs.

♥

i've got a feeling, that tonights gna be a good night

i had the best time yesterday. i'd say, the best date i've ever been on... so far.

phillycheesesteak sandwiches, yummm.

gas station, when the scratch ticket blew out of your hands & you had to chase after it... was hella cute.

bowling.

star gazing. (hella seen shooting stars)

soo much laughing and talking. i was hella comfortable. hopefully we'll do it again. (:

& maybe it'll work & maybe it will. who knows.

i hope it does work though haaaah.

& the meet in stockton, was fun too. hella weird models hella ugly & brace faced & weird ass gogos with their weird ass dancing and what not. haha.

sooooooooo.

i can't wait til my 20th (: eeeeeee!

it's gna be the beeeest.

i hope everyone i invite actually shows up, if not... fuck you then.

now i just have to work on making it perfect. im almost there. just a little more pain & suffering til october.

god, do i loveee the winter. i miss the cold. seeing my breath in the air. not being able to make myself get outta bed. 

it seems that everything happens in the winter for me.

let's hope you can make it til then.

hey jasmine, where's that friend you used to hang out with?

she's in rehab.

..... LMFAO.

fuckface said im getting fat. /:

well you look like a cancer patient. bitch!

i need mooolah.